Beauty Isn't Measured In Pounds

Let me cut to the chase here.
A woman's body does not define her.

I'm really fed up with women being put in boxes categorized by body type.

By defining each other by body type all we're doing is tearing each other down. I thought we as a society were moving in a more accepting direction? Well here's some reality that needs to be accepted by all of us: beauty isn't measured in pounds. 

Curves don't make a women real, and being a size 0 doesn't make you any less of a women. Being "real" has absolutely nothing to do with looks and everything to do with character and actions.

Whatever size you may be, own it. Flaunt it. Embrace it. We need to stop allowing society/the media to force-feed us bullshit on what we should look like, or what we should or should not be eating. Each and every one of us needs to look in the mirror and love ourselves for exactly who we are.

I don't care how cliche I sound - it's the truth. 

Your personality, your actions, your character...let THOSE be what defines you. Not a fucking label on your clothes.

Ladies, we need to stop this war on body size. I'm so sick of seeing the internet plastered with this bullshit on what size is the perfect size. How about we all stop being shallow as fuck and start getting to know people regardless of their weight?

Beauty is spirit - not your fucking dress size.

Choices, choices, choices..

With a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook every day, and a current trending topic on Twitter being "#PrayToEndAbortion", I think it's time I address this. In a logical sense. Not fed by emotions, or religion. You guessed it, I'm going to be addressing abortion.

Pro Choice v. Pro Life
One thing that needs to be understood about being pro-choice is that it does NOT actually mean pro-abortion. Pro-choice means the individual believes in the CHOICE. The right to CHOOSE between terminating the pregnancy, or carrying out the pregnancy. You know, the radical idea that women own their bodies. Yes, I understand that it takes two to tango, but men aren't the ones that get pregnant. Should their input be valued? Yes. The ultimate decision however is up to the woman.

Generally, those who are pro-life have a religious background. There are also those who are pro-life because they've been pregnant previously, but miscarried. I know there are other reasons why people are pro-life, but those beliefs generally are fed from the two reasons I mentioned. A religious standpoint, and an emotional standpoint.

Religion is a whole different ballgame, though. We are free to practice the religion of our choice. Religion should NOT be shoved down people's throats, or used to make our laws.

Right v. Wrong
What is right for someone, may be wrong for someone else. Let me say that again.. what is right for someone, may be wrong for someone else. For some, deciding to carry out the pregnancy may be the right choice. For others, terminating the pregnancy may be the right choice. You, and only you can decide what is the right choice for you. It's quite simple. If you don't agree with abortion, don't have an abortion. (Same goes for everything else..guns, marriage, religion etc.) Just because you don't agree with it does not make it wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, that's the beauty of the USA.

My Story
Some of you reading this may know, others may not. I don't keep this a secret, as I have a video on Youtube that says this for all of the internet to see. Yes, I have had an abortion. It was the right choice for me. I was 19 years old. Financially unstable, and not emotionally mature enough to carry out a pregnancy and raise a child. I told my boyfriend at the time, and his response was that if I carried out the pregnancy he would want nothing to do with me or the child. Nothing to do with me? Okay. Nothing to do with your child? Yeah, no. I wasn't going to have MY child grow up without a father. I know what it's like growing up without a dad. Not knowing the other half of you. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, so why would I bring a fucking CHILD into this world knowing they wouldn't know their father?

For those of you wondering, I had it done at 6 weeks. 

The ultrasound looked exactly like what is pictured to the right. So for those of you who will judge me, and give me shit because "you killed an innocent baby!".. please.. do tell me where there's a baby in this picture!? That's what I thought.

About the procedure: it's not painful, it's not emotionally draining. Well, the blood work prior to the surgery is painful...but that's because I'm a little bitch about having my blood taken. Anesthesia knocks you out almost immediately, then 5-10 minutes later you wake up. Like nothing even happened.  

Some people regret their decision, I do not. Would I have another abortion? No. I'm in a different place in my life now, and am much more careful about knowing where a guy stands on children before I jump in bed with him. I would also like to clarify my own personal opinion: I do not agree with late-term abortions. Once the fetus has reached the point of being able to survive on it's own outside of the womb...that's when I consider it a baby. 

I will leave you with this..

Defining Love

I was recently asked by someone if I loved them. Love means different things to different people, so I thought I'd share with you all how I define love, and what it means to me. 

ACCEPTANCE
Love starts with acceptance. Accepting someone for who they are, what they are, and all that they offer the world. Acceptance of their opinions, beliefs, lifestyle, faults, flaws, character. Now they may be different from yours, and you may not agree with them, but that's okay. Acceptance is just that; doesn't mean agreeing. 

COMPASSION
Showing genuine kindness and concern for others. It's not just an "I'm so sorry.." or a "Let me know if you need anything.." It's a "Is there anything I can do for you?" "What can I do to make this easier for you?" "What can I do so we can get through this?" It's not about dropping condolences because it seems appropriate, it's about actually helping someone work through their struggles. Being there for them. Letting them know that they are not alone in their struggles. Sometimes, just sitting with them in silence is all it takes. Silence can speak multitudes more than words. Your time is the most valuable thing you can give someone.

INTIMACY 
When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. This quote that is pictured, that's what I mean when I say intimacy. Getting emotionally naked. Being vulnerable is a scary feeling. But when the right person comes along the fear washes away & you're completely comfortable opening your soul to them. In order for that to happen there needs to be a solid foundation of trust.

TRUST

There's so much more depth to trusting someone than just trusting them that they won't cheat on you. Instilling your trust goes far beyond that. Real trust is being able to give someone your heart and having faith they won't destroy it. 

& EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN
When you love someone, you support them in all they do and aspire to accomplish. You stick with them through thick and thin. When shit starts to hit the fan, you don't go running the other way..you work through it and get past it. You lift them up when they're down. You don't hold their mistakes against them, nor their past. When you love someone and you're with them, there's nowhere you'd rather be than in that moment. You care about their well being, their health, and their happiness...even if it doesn't include you.

Of course there's so much more I could add, but that's my overall view on love. Oh, and the answer to the question I mentioned at the beginning of this post? Yes.

Letting Go

This is something we all have to experience. Learning to let go, to move on. When something that was a colossal part of your life ends, it may very well seem as if the world has ended. When you put so much of yourself into someone else, it feels like a piece of you is missing. Here's some good news, it's not the end of the world, and you will move past feeling empty. Like I've previously stated in "Cutting Your Losses": you are not your relationship. 

Cutting Contact
This is a lot easier said than done. It will be really tempting to shoot them a text, or look at their Facebook/Twitter to see what they're up to. See how their life is going without you in it. Doing so will only cause you despair. Delete their number from your phone. If you have it memorized, block their number. Doing this is crucial, because it's symbolic. It's a little step towards letting yourself move on. Same goes for deleting them from your friend list on Facebook. You can't move on if you're obsessing over what they're doing. If their Facebook is public, block them. You should also make your friends and/or family aware that you don't want updates on this person.

Time
Time really does heal all wounds. Some days are tougher than others, but eventually it gets easier. Trust me on this. Regardless of how intense your relationship was, IT WILL GET EASIER IN TIME. For some it may take weeks, others months. You'll start noticing you think about them less, you won't check up on them as much (if you haven't deleted their number/Facebook), and eventually you won't care if they start a new relationship with someone. There will come a point where you are content and happy for them, and you won't have any bitterness towards them.

The hardest part of letting go, in my opinion, is having memories replay in your head. Thinking about all the good times that were shared. It's okay to miss those memories, but you shouldn't be living in the past. Go out and create new memories. Don't trip over what's behind you. If you're constantly living in the past, the present passes you right by. Once you learn to live in the present, life becomes so much more enjoyable. You start to become a lot happier. Understand that life is beautiful. Understand that negativity attracts more negativity into your life. You need to maintain positive thoughts, and positive things will come your way. 

Don't Hold Back
While you're in the process of moving on from your previous relationship, or had just gotten over one, and you happen to come across someone you develop feelings for..don't hold back. Don't limit yourself. It's also really important that you don't compare this person to your ex. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. You may find it difficult, if not impossible to open yourself back up to someone else. You don't want to get hurt again. You can't bare the thought of someone causing you more pain, so you build walls to protect yourself. Building these walls can actually hurt you in the end. You're denying yourself the love and appreciation you deserve. If someone can see the beauty in you, even when you're broken, they're worth it. If someone is willing to put in the effort to break down your walls, they're worth it. They're worth you being vulnerable again. Remember, everyone is different. Just because someone else hurt you, it doesn't mean another person will. This is where I get to say good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Music
This may be the most obvious thing to some, but music really does help heal. The music we listen to at a given time is a reflection of our moods. Lyrics really do say everything we can't and put our feelings into words. I've compiled a small list of songs that have personally helped me in the process of moving on, and I hope they help you in the way they have helped me.

All That Remains - Hold On
A Perfect Circle - Passive
A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras
Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know
Atreyu - My Fork In The Road (Your Knife In My Back)
Blood For Blood - So Common, So Cheap
Close To Home - Count The Ways
Five Finger Death Punch - Succubus | Hate Me
(Same song, different version/title. I prefer "Hate Me")
The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)
Olin And The Moon - Not In Love
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most
Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger
Senses Fail - Choke On This
Silverstein -Apologize
Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
Sum 41 - Pieces 
Stone Sour - Blotter
Stone Sour - Orchids

Feel free to leave a comment with songs that you listen to that have helped you.

End this on a less serious note:

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

Cutting Your Losses

This is something I've seen time and time again. I admit I've done it, once. I learned from my experience, and won't repeat the same mistake twice. It blows my mind that some people will do this to themselves more than once. Staying in a bad relationship.

Good v. Bad
If I had a dollar for each time I gave this advice to someone I wouldn't need to work. If the bad outweighs the good, end it. Every type of relationship will go through trouble, but it should not be a constant occurrence. Some days will be tougher than others, some arguments will last hours, some days. If these rough times happen more often than not, it's time to start assessing your relationship. You should radiate happiness when you're with your partner, and when you talk about them. If you're constantly feeling miserable around them, or only talk about the negative stuff when they get brought up in conversation, shouldn't that be a red flag as to end things?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
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Security
One huge reason I've noticed as to why people stay in their relationships that cause them nothing but misery is because they are comfortable with this person. One of the most basic human needs according to Maslow is security. When you've been with someone for a long time, you grow attached to them, and feel secure around them. Once someone loses that security, they also lose their need for belonging, their self-esteem, and their self-actualization. This is true for losing any sense of security whether it be employment, health, etc. We revert back to building from the ground up, which starts with physiological needs. It's tough letting go of something that made you feel safe and secure. Here's the good news: everything gets easier in time. Find security in the realization that you had a life prior to your relationship. 
 
Co-Dependence

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Understanding you had a life prior to your relationship is the key to getting your independence back. Relying on yourself for your own happiness, and having your sense of self-worth come from within. Once you're secure in your relationship, you start to become co-dependent. You rely on your partner for your happiness, your relationship starts to define who you are. You lose yourself. Keep this in mind: you are not your relationship. You had a life before it, you'll have a life after it. It'll feel damn good to have your independence back. 

The Leash
Oh. My. God. The metaphoric leash. The most annoying thing of all. If your partner is constantly calling/texting you, always wondering where you are, who you're with..it needs to end. I can't stress this enough. If they're always up your ass and down your throat, they don't trust you. A relationship without trust is no relationship at all. Not only are you constantly interrogated, but they pull the leash even tighter trying to control you. They try to control who you're friends with, who you talk to. One of the worst cases I've seen is they try to control where their partner works. It blows my mind that people stay in these situations. I could write an entire post on this matter alone.

Cutting Your Losses
Nobody deserves to go through life always miserable. Especially because of someone else. If your relationship brings you more misery than joy, move on. Let go. Cut your losses. A relationship should not consume your life. Don't let your happiness depend on anything but you.

If there's anything you take away from this post, let it be this:
If the bad outweighs the good, end it.

What Women Want

Women just want to be appreciated and fucked well.

Appreciation
Even the smallest of things matter. Unless it's the size of your penis, then you're REALLY going to have to work at the fucking part. We don't need a grand gesture. Save that shit for when you're gonna propose.

Show us you appreciate us, don't just tell us.

You can show us by numerous acts. Listening. Listening without interruptions. When you ask us "How was your day?", actually mean it & let us tell you all the details about our day, don't just settle for a one-word response. In fact, rephrase your question. Something more along the lines of "What was the best part about your day?"

Listening ties in with being interested. You first have to be interested in what we have to say in order to listen to us. Showing interest in our days activities, mishaps, and adventures goes a long way on the appreciation spectrum.
Show interest. Listen. Then next comes caring. Care about what we have to say. A way to do this is to relate to us. Paying attention to the details is a big one here. If you bring up a story that relates to a minor detail we mentioned, that shows us you were interested/listening/and caring.. again, this goes a long way.

You don't have to shower us with gifts to show your appreciation. What was mentioned above holds more meaning than any materialistic thing you could have handed us. Save that for our birthdays and Christmas.

Oral sex is a great way to show us your appreciation.

Good Sex

If you're doing the same thrusting motion for 5 minutes...you're doing it wrong.

If we keep making the same damn noise for the duration...you're doing it wrong.

If our legs aren't shaking afterward...you're doing it wrong.

If you keep it strictly vanilla...you're doing it wrong.

If you don't go down on us...you're doing it wrong. (See appreciation.)

If you try to stealthily change holes...have fun getting yourself off. Do you REALLY think we won't notice what you're trying to do? (No. This is NOT how you "change it up"/so it's not strictly vanilla.)

The Order

Showing appreciation before you sleep with us, will make you more desirable.
Sleeping with us before you show appreciation, will make us more desirable.
But really, as long as you show appreciation and the sex is good..you're a keeper.

Image Source: Tumblr

Monotony of Monogamy

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Monogamy. Exclusivity. 

That cute little idea that we're all force-fed growing up. It's the social norm. Two people who engage in sexual activity with just each other.
Why is this the social norm? Why do the swingers, the polygamists/polyandrous, the polyamorous, and the down right promiscuous have such a bad light shown on them? 

There's this impression that if your significant other wants to sleep someone else that they don't love you, or they don't find you interesting, and you may start to become so overly self-conscious that it consumes not just your relationship, but your entire life.

My idea of an open relationship isn't about being able to sleep with other people aside from your partner. My idea of an open relationship is openly communicating, openly trusting, and openly being honest.

I suppose insecurity is the main factor of why couples don't actually have this type of conversation. The conversation that once in a while they'll bring another party into the bedroom. Or maybe switch partners for a night with another couple they're friends with.

The reason why people cheat is because monogamy is monotonous. We need variety in our lives. Our diets consist of variety, our cars consist of variety, our wardrobes consist of variety. Why aren't more people open to having a variety in their sex lives!?

Just because you want to sleep with someone else, doesn't mean you don't love your partner.  Just because your partner wants to sleep with someone else doesn't mean they don't love you. I personally think it helps build a stronger foundation because both parties are instilling trust in each other. Your partner expresses to you that they want to sleep with someone else. Have the conversation of how to approach it best. Wait it out. If the urge is still there within a week, 2 weeks, a month, whatever, decide what to do. Invite them to join you or maybe you've also had the urge to sleep with someone else too. You both decide it's best to switch it up for the night. Whatever the situation may be, at least have a fucking conversation about it. Be open to trying something different.

Your comfort zone is your failure zone.

Personally, I'd prefer sexual monogamy in a relationship once it progressed to engagement/marriage. Prior to that, a little mutual variety once in a while is acceptable. 

Have the conversation with your partner. If you both decide it's not something you'd do, great. At least you shared an open and honest conversation. I understand this approach may not be for everyone, for various reasons, but don't let insecurity & jealousy factor in to your reasoning.