22 November 2013

Cutting Your Losses

This is something I've seen time and time again. I admit I've done it, once. I learned from my experience, and won't repeat the same mistake twice. It blows my mind that some people will do this to themselves more than once. Staying in a bad relationship.

Good v. Bad
If I had a dollar for each time I gave this advice to someone I wouldn't need to work. If the bad outweighs the good, end it. Every type of relationship will go through trouble, but it should not be a constant occurrence. Some days will be tougher than others, some arguments will last hours, some days. If these rough times happen more often than not, it's time to start assessing your relationship. You should radiate happiness when you're with your partner, and when you talk about them. If you're constantly feeling miserable around them, or only talk about the negative stuff when they get brought up in conversation, shouldn't that be a red flag as to end things?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
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One huge reason I've noticed as to why people stay in their relationships that cause them nothing but misery is because they are comfortable with this person. One of the most basic human needs according to Maslow is security. When you've been with someone for a long time, you grow attached to them, and feel secure around them. Once someone loses that security, they also lose their need for belonging, their self-esteem, and their self-actualization. This is true for losing any sense of security whether it be employment, health, etc. We revert back to building from the ground up, which starts with physiological needs. It's tough letting go of something that made you feel safe and secure. Here's the good news: everything gets easier in time. Find security in the realization that you had a life prior to your relationship. 

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Understanding you had a life prior to your relationship is the key to getting your independence back. Relying on yourself for your own happiness, and having your sense of self-worth come from within. Once you're secure in your relationship, you start to become co-dependent. You rely on your partner for your happiness, your relationship starts to define who you are. You lose yourself. Keep this in mind: you are not your relationship. You had a life before it, you'll have a life after it. It'll feel damn good to have your independence back. 

The Leash
Oh. My. God. The metaphoric leash. The most annoying thing of all. If your partner is constantly calling/texting you, always wondering where you are, who you're with..it needs to end. I can't stress this enough. If they're always up your ass and down your throat, they don't trust you. A relationship without trust is no relationship at all. Not only are you constantly interrogated, but they pull the leash even tighter trying to control you. They try to control who you're friends with, who you talk to. One of the worst cases I've seen is they try to control where their partner works. It blows my mind that people stay in these situations. I could write an entire post on this matter alone.

Cutting Your Losses
Nobody deserves to go through life always miserable. Especially because of someone else. If your relationship brings you more misery than joy, move on. Let go. Cut your losses. A relationship should not consume your life. Don't let your happiness depend on anything but you.

If there's anything you take away from this post, let it be this:
If the bad outweighs the good, end it.

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