25 November 2013

Letting Go

This is something we all have to experience. Learning to let go, to move on. When something that was a colossal part of your life ends, it may very well seem as if the world has ended. When you put so much of yourself into someone else, it feels like a piece of you is missing. Here's some good news, it's not the end of the world, and you will move past feeling empty. Like I've previously stated in "Cutting Your Losses": you are not your relationship. 

Cutting Contact
This is a lot easier said than done. It will be really tempting to shoot them a text, or look at their Facebook/Twitter to see what they're up to. See how their life is going without you in it. Doing so will only cause you despair. Delete their number from your phone. If you have it memorized, block their number. Doing this is crucial, because it's symbolic. It's a little step towards letting yourself move on. Same goes for deleting them from your friend list on Facebook. You can't move on if you're obsessing over what they're doing. If their Facebook is public, block them. You should also make your friends and/or family aware that you don't want updates on this person.

Time really does heal all wounds. Some days are tougher than others, but eventually it gets easier. Trust me on this. Regardless of how intense your relationship was, IT WILL GET EASIER IN TIME. For some it may take weeks, others months. You'll start noticing you think about them less, you won't check up on them as much (if you haven't deleted their number/Facebook), and eventually you won't care if they start a new relationship with someone. There will come a point where you are content and happy for them, and you won't have any bitterness towards them.

The hardest part of letting go, in my opinion, is having memories replay in your head. Thinking about all the good times that were shared. It's okay to miss those memories, but you shouldn't be living in the past. Go out and create new memories. Don't trip over what's behind you. If you're constantly living in the past, the present passes you right by. Once you learn to live in the present, life becomes so much more enjoyable. You start to become a lot happier. 
Understand that life is beautiful. Understand that negativity attracts more negativity into your life. You need to maintain positive thoughts, and positive things will come your way. 

Don't Hold Back

While you're in the process of moving on from your previous relationship, or had just gotten over one, and you happen to come across someone you develop feelings for..don't hold back. Don't limit yourself. It's also really important that you don't compare this person to your ex. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. You may find it difficult, if not impossible to open yourself back up to someone else. You don't want to get hurt again. You can't bare the thought of someone causing you more pain, so you build walls to protect yourself. Building these walls can actually hurt you in the end. You're denying yourself the love and appreciation you deserve. If someone can see the beauty in you, even when you're broken, they're worth it. If someone is willing to put in the effort to break down your walls, they're worth it. They're worth you being vulnerable again. Remember, everyone is different. Just because someone else hurt you, it doesn't mean another person will. This is where I get to say good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

This may be the most obvious thing to some, but music really does help heal. The music we listen to at a given time is a reflection of our moods. Lyrics really do say everything we can't and put our feelings into words. I've compiled a small list of songs that have personally helped me in the process of moving on, and I hope they help you in the way they have helped me.

All That Remains - Hold On
A Perfect Circle - Passive
A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras
Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know
Atreyu - My Fork In The Road (Your Knife In My Back)
Blood For Blood - So Common, So Cheap
Close To Home - Count The Ways
Five Finger Death Punch - Succubus | Hate Me
(Same song, different version/title. I prefer "Hate Me")
The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)

Olin And The Moon - Not In Love
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most
Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger
Senses Fail - Choke On This
Silverstein -Apologize
Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
Sum 41 - Pieces 
Stone Sour - Blotter
Stone Sour - Orchids

Feel free to leave a comment with songs that you listen to that have helped you.

End this on a less serious note:

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

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